In a recent blog (is that what they are called these days?) I wrote about rock legends and the crazy things they got up to on and off stage. Well, in the good old days when we actually had rock heroes to look up to many of their fans would copy their antics to prove that they were in fact true fans. Here are the top ten things to know that you are a rocker as follows:

You go to sleep listening to Led Zeppelin

Because you can’t get to sleep with that nagging other half in your ear, so you slip on the headphones to drown out the background noise and if you are a true rocker, its gotta be Led Zep.

You wake up listening to Led Zeppelin

Because you left the cd player on repeat.

You love stage diving

You go to great efforts to fight your way through the frenzied fans, battle with security and struggle up on to the stage simply to dive back off into the crowd. Just make sure they catch you. See my tip on stage diving. (Tip #7)

You are slightly deaf in one ear

From standing side on to the stage when attending gigs while you chat with your mates and eye off the talent, to avoid this try facing the stage and looking at the show.

You think Eminem is candy

well isn’t it? I like the red ones.

You don’t mind snacking on the odd feral animal

This is for the major fans of Ozzie Ozbourne and Alice Cooper. Although, I don’t practice this myself or recommend it, I do admire those who have the guts to bite the head off a live bat.

A volume setting of 10 is not quite loud enough

This is the other reason you are slightly deaf in one ear, from leaning over and actually trying to squeeze just a little more out of that 100 watt Marshall amp.

You can only count to 4 (unlike roadies who can only count to 2)

Because you only play rock music, if you played waltzes you would only be able to count to 3. And as for the roadies, I will let you figure that out for yourself.

You have uncontrollable urges to destroy furniture

Again for the hardcore fans of Joe Walsh and Keith Moon. Don’t do this at home!

You have calluses on your forehead from head banging

Ok you really gotta step back from the stage a little or you’re gonna get brain damage.

So there you have it, a list to know whether you are a rocker or not. If you are reading this I am sure you can identify with at least half of the items on the list, if not, you are not trying hard enough.

- Axel

Well here they are me fellow Axe lovers, me list of the ten greatest worst guitarists or at least the 10 guitarists I least like.

Dave Grohl – Foo Fighters. A drummer is a drummer is a drummer. Dave would be better off beating his guitar with his drumsticks.

Buckethead – who is this guy anyway, Buckethead. Anyone who wears a bucket on their head to get some press can’t have a lot of talent. Anyway, I hate KFC.

Neil Young - watching him trying to play a solo is like watching me ol gran cut her toenails without her reading glasses.

Jack White – White Stripes. Jack ol mate what can I say? Buy a tuner.

Steve Jones – Sex Pistols. Now Steve is quite a reasonable guitarist these days but in the time of the Sex Pistols it was all about rebellion and anarchy. Playing guitar was the last priority.Ol Steve played with all the feel of Nurse Ratchatt (One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest) and the precision of a bulldog eating breakfast.

Ed Kuepper– The Saints. Some bloody Aussie guy who played guitar like cutting down a tree with a handsaw (sounded about the same too). Played in some band called The Saints. You might not remember these guys they were responsible for such atrocities as Stranded and Misunderstood.

Keith Strickland – B52s – No explanation needed.

Paul Jonas – From the Jonas brothers because any band that comes out of the Disney channel has gotta suck. And that ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ look really gives me the shits. Come on son this is the music industry grow some balls, grow your hair and get a tattoo.

<No photo Available because he is that bad!!!!>

Joe Satchamacallit- for stealing my song “Lying in a Wet Dream” (read my bio)

Gary Moore- for taking me spot in Thin Lizzy (read my bio)

That’s about it. That’s me list and I’m sticking to it. If you don’t like it or you wanna add to it or take away from it, well, tough you can’t. It’s my list.

-Axel